He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
