He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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