I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Randomize
