Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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