a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
