I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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