I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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