Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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