i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
