First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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