i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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