She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
