her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Are we still banned from the library?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
