she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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