Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
