i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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