Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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