And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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