i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
