My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Semen is not good for contacts.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
