I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
