I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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