spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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