I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
