True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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