I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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