i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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