guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Randomize
