I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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