I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
