what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
