I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
