Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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