Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
