I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
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