So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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