Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
