I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
