Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
