If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
