i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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