So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
high people should be assigned attendants
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
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