He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
