the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
