He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
