i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
