Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
