My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
