Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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