yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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